I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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