Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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