someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
