i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
