I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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