I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Semen is not good for contacts.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
