True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
