Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
