I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
