Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
