I love black thongs
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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