"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
