I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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