I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
