I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
