Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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