If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
