oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
