i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Bring me that man meat
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
