I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
