I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
