It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
