You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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