but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You ruined the universe
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
