Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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