defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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