i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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