everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
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When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
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So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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