I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
