This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my j├Ąger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.