She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.