PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
