This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
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