sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?