It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
