I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
