My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
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if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
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anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
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