This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
