im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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