Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i came on her dog
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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