so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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