She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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