After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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