FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize