Just fell off a train. Bad.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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