I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
