Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
