I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
