she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
