how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
