I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
