Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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