you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
