Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
