how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
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I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
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would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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