I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
