Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
