I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
