Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
