This is not my ceiling
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
