dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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