3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
