Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
