He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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