Is it normal to miss your booty call?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
