I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
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I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
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I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize