I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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