I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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