It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
