Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
