Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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