also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
