all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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