We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
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